Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Silly Verse by Allan Watts

Allan Watts and Dave Schultz at the Kappa Kappa banquet, Stockbridge School of Agriculture, University of Massachusetts, Stockbridge, Massachusetts.

Chain Reaction

A toad ate a fly
a good deed was done
then a snake ate the toad
and lay coiled in the sun.
A hawk saw the snake
from his perch in a tree
the fly, toad and snake
are now history.


One Night Without Light

"Get your deer yet?" said the native Vermonter.
"Haven't yet, but I came close, sorta."
"Saw a nice one, six pointer I'd say,
damn flashlight went dead, damn deer got away."


The Lobster

The lobster crawls on the ocean floor
the things he eats were alive before
some rotten clams or an old dead fish
and other gross things that I'll list if you wish
I wouldn't eat what a lobster would eat
but to eat the lobster that's a treat.


The Eagle

The eagle floats high over the trees
as he sets his wings to the summer breeze.
He drifts in a circle without an end
'til he sees his prey and swiftly descends.
I wish I could fly where the eagle flies
high over the trees and across the skies.


Deer vs. Hunter

I was deep in the woods
I was hunting the deer
when this strange thought
to me did occur,
If the deer had a gun
and could shoot it at me
I'd still be in there
and not here with thee.



I watched a beaver cut down a tree
I saw him, but he didn't see me.
His teeth were crooked, with several spaces.
I've called my dentist, that beaver needs braces.


The Mink

You seldom see the elusive mink.
He moves as fast as the eye can wink.
So should you see him, don't bother to stare.
For chances are, he'll no longer be there.


Some Alarming Facts

With a one alarmer
you get a rookie and luck
With a two alarmer
you get a Captain and a truck
But, if you have a three alarmer
you get the chief and he's a charmer.


Ground Hogs

Do groundhogs hog ground?
I don't think that they do.
Nor do woodchucks chuck wood
Not at me or at you.
To give them such names
Seems a strange thing to do
I think we should change them
How about you?


God's Woods

Have you ever gone
for a walk in the fall
when God with bright colors
has painted all.

Have you seen the sly deer
he's as smart as can be
I never see him
before he sees me.

Have you noticed the beech tree
with trunk smooth and grey
and its coppery leaves
that don't fall but they stay.

Have you seen the geese
overhead in a V
as they call to the world
"just let us be free."

Have you sat near a meadow
in the haze damp and grey
and watched while the sun
seems to melt away.

Have you seen the chipmunk
hiding acorns in clumps
he resembles a child
with a case of the mumps.

Have you followed the squirrel
from tree to tree
and welcomed the return
of the chickadee.

Have you seen the great Oak
with leaves scarlet and gold
and the maples so varied
red, orange and bold.

Have you sat by a brook
as it babbles along
and the splash of a trout
interrupted its song.

If you've seen any of these
then you must surely know
that God only God
could put on such a show.


Snake's Rattles

They say the rattlesnake does not like to fight.
If I meet one someday, I hope they are right.
Rather than fight, he'll run away,
And hide 'neath a rock for the rest of the day.
He seems immature and childish too
And I know just why, and I'll share it with you.
You know why he tends to run from battles
He's ten years old and still has his rattles.


The Killers

When you think of the hunter
do you think of the kill,
A man with a gun
and some masculine thrill
Do you think his main aim
is to hang a buck on the rack,
then sit and drink booze
in some tarpaper shack
You may also think
that hunters are cruel
that they laugh when they kill
like some diabolical fool
You may think that all hunters
kill all things they see
some during the day
and many at night
Well you know what I think
I think you are right.


Sign of the Times

I was up in Vermont on my favorite brook
attempting to lure a fish to my hook
I cast and cast to no avail
and that's the end of this fishing tale.
But wait, did I mention the otter I saw,
he sat on the grass and looked at me,
then slid down the bank on the back of his rump
and swam down the brook and under the stump.
I watched and waited and finally saw,
the otter appear with a fish in his jaw.
A fish from the water I recently fished,
there should be a law against actions like this.
I could call a Warden, but what could he do
and besides they're scarce there's only a few
So I spoke to that otter, what else could I do,
and I quoted a law that I knew wasn't true
he swallowed his fish, then he spoke to me,
he said, "See that sign on the side of that tree?"
"That sign says, NO FISHING, I think you'll agree,
now doesn't that make you as guilty as me?"



The white birch is white
but so is the grey
They sure name the trees
in a peculiar way.
The white pine is green
and so is the red
The jack pine's a girl
or so it's been said.
The beech is a nut tree
and the hickory's two
the shagbark and pignut
you may see a few.
The red maple's green
that's perfectly clear
that is, till they change
in the fall of the year.
If you see a tree surrounded by pails
hung under spouts and supported with nails
that's the sugar maple, they tap it for sap
they put it in cans and seal it with caps.
And the fruit trees of course
there's the apple and cherry
and the peach and the pear
and the rare mulberry.
There's the fir and the spruce
and the tamarack too,
that's a deciduous conifer
don't ask how I knew.
The list could go on
it's easy you see
for I'm not in the woods
observing each tree
I'm home by the fire
with a hot cup of tea
I'm reading my book
on dendrology.



The rooster crowed at the crack of dawn
and woke the farmer who commenced to yawn
the sun was just hitting the morning dew
don't you wish you had a rooster too?


One Lay at a Time

The poor old hen lay an egg a day
and the farmer came and took it away
she must do this as long as she can
when she stops, she's put in the broiler pan.


Seen and Heard

When you sit in the woods
it becomes very clear,
there is little to see
and less to hear.
A young deer may bleat,
like his cousin the lamb,
as he calls to his mother,
"here I am."
The grey or red squirrel
when he buries a nut
or crinkles the leaves
that he takes to his hut.
The grouse beats his wings
makes a sound like a drum,
as he signals his mate
who says grouse are dumb?
If you're near a brook
and the water's not murky
you might see a trout
or hear the occasional turkey
There's the hawk in the air
and the grunt of the bear,
but he'll run away
so don't give it a care.
That old Hoot Owl.
and the geese in their V
and the coy dogs at night
these you hear more than see.
Then there are the little ones
the mouse and the shrew,
when you see them it's rare,
for they stay out of view.
And did I mention the chickadee,
such a joy to hear
such a pleasure to see.
And let's not forget
the blue jay and crow,
and the one with the mask,
the raccoon you know.
My list could go on
and grow and grow,
but with these examples
you must surely know,
If you sit in the woods
it becomes very clear,
there's little to see
and less to hear.


Running Water

I saw a little brook
trickling through the woods
Its path was blocked with leaves,
that fell from a nearby tree.
I took a stick and broke the dam
and the water shone up at me,
and said, that is I think it said,
"Thanks for setting me free."